A Semi-Spiritual Rant – Episode 2 – There’s No Such Thing as I Know, But

It’s the perfect contradiction between the way things are and the way I want them to be. Take any generally accepted truth. True in every sense of the word. Then apply my personal situation to it and carve out an exception.

I know. But in this case, because it’s different and I’m special and I don’t like it that way, the rule doesn’t apply to me, because, because, because. It’s not the but part that’s problematic; it’s the I know part.

I know the apple falls down from the tree, not up. No buts about it.

I know it’s better to tell the truth than to lie, but I had to because…

I know it’s better to let people figure things out for themselves, but what if …

I know it’s none of my business, but it’s just that …

I know I’m addicted to drama, food, alcohol, gossip, social media, and my phone, but I only indulge when …

I really don’t know at all.

What I now know is there’s a knowing out there that I can’t quite bring in here. I’m not willing to embody it or make it my own. If I accept it as true, then I have to change my ways. If I keep it at arm’s length by adding the But, then I can skirt around the truth.

It’s a constant battle, trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. It’s an illusion that I can have it both ways. It’s a delusion that no one will notice my duplicity, talking out of both sides of my mouth. It’s pulling the wool over my own eyes and pretending I can still see.